Learning to let go...

It's that time of year, schools in!  This is Addy's second year of preschool.  Addy has a new teacher and she is attending preschool three mornings a week for 2 1/2 hours.  She loves it!  I'm glad I sent her last year because she is thriving this year.  Last year we had some rough patches, this year, she WANTS to go.  The very first day she walked into school smiling, excited and didn't even look back.   It didn't hit me until I was in Meijer with Brenden.  We stopped to look at the fish, Addy's favorite thing, then I started to cry.  She is ready, I believe this is good for her, this is what God wants and I have to let her go.   I had a friend tell me that your raise your children to let them go, not to keep them.  So it begins...  

At the end of July we decided it was time for Brenden at 18 months to get rid of his pacifier.  He started chewing the ends of them off, nice huh?!  So we began the process, which was not easy.  He didn't sleep really well for about three weeks and one of those weeks we were on vacation.  It was actually harder on me I think than him.  Not because of the inconvenience but because it meant that he was not a baby anymore.  My little man is growing up.  It's time to start letting go. 

Now I realize that these are small things,but it reminds me that each stage my kids are in I will have to continually let them go.  I'm not raising them to keep them, I'm raising them to let them go and give them to God.  I've been praying a lot about this the past several months that God will help me utilize this time I have with them.  I want to use this time to pour into them, teach them and develop a healthy relationship with them.  My mom always tells me, the best thing I can do with my kids is develop a relationship with them.  She's right of course!   I need to do it now and God will have to help me with all of it, especially the letting go part! 

First day of preschool, not enjoying the pictures!

Playing mini-golf  on vacation, my big boy, no paci!

The real me...

I recently watched the movie Alice and Wonderland.  The non-cartoon one that came out in 2010.  I never thought I'd like that movie or the storyline.  It seemed kinda crazy and weird.  But for some reason when I saw that it was playing on the Disney Channel I recorded it to watch.  Something that struck me about the movie is when Alice talked to the worm, the wise one, Absolem.  The characters were trying to figure out if Alice, this grown up Alice, was indeed THE Alice, the Alice that came when she was a child.  Absolem asks her if she is Alice and she doesn't think she is THE Alice.  He chides her for not knowing who she is.  When she speaks to him again at the end of the movie, she is starting to figure out that she is the THE Alice.  She tells Absolem the things she knows about herself.  She tells him her name, who her parents are etc.  Through those basic things, she finds she is THE Alice and has the courage to do what all the characters in Wonderland want her to do, slay the Jabberwocky and free the creatures from the rule of the Red Queen. 

There are many times in life I have felt like the Alice in the beginning of the movie.  I'm not sure who I am or if I am who I want to be.  There are many times and days that I live in fear I won't live up to my potential and days I just give up thinking I never will.  I want to be what other women are, thrifty, organized, amazing moms, stylish, skinny and confident.  I look at what other women have and compare myself.  I have convinced myself that I'm not enough.  It's not just external things, but internal as well.  As a Christian woman I see other women's spiritual gifts and think I don't measure up.  I worry I am not doing enough for God or allowing Him to use me the way I was made to be used. There is a lot of worry, a lot of comparing and a lot of sorrow over something that is really not worth it all.

Wow!  That was pretty depressing! I'm laughing at myself right now, in case your worrying I'm crying or something! :)

So here's what God has been teaching me about all this!  He loves ME!  The real me!  Not the me I wish I was, or the me that had characteristics like her.  He wants to use ME!  Because He made me the way I am for a reason!  My struggles, my strengths, my bad habits and good ones!  I have been realizing lately that I need to go back to the basics, like Alice!  I need to remind myself sometimes of who I really am! I am a child of God.  I am loved by God, saved through Jesus and I can walk in freedom from my sin everyday!  When I remind myself who I am, I also see who God is.  Taking the emphasis off ME and putting it on HIM.  When I see who I am in HIM everything else really doesn't matter.  I can be content with me because I am loved by a great God.  So like Alice, I need to go back and recite the basics.  When I do that, I am able to see the real me.  Although, I'm not sure I will ever slay a Jabberwocky and help overthrow a Red Queen, but you never know! 

Amish flies...

Today Addy, Bren and I went out to our local Amish store, Rentown.  We visit every few weeks to buy bulk cheese, lunch meat, spices, lye soap and whatever else.   It’s a small little store run by an Amish family (which we have a lot of in our area) and they are extremely nice.    We are walking around picking up the things we need when a large black fly goes by our heads.  Addy immediately goes into a state of panic and wants to know what the bug is.  I tell her, “don’t worry, it’s just a fly.”  Then she asks loudly and clearly for everyone to hear (probably in the whole store), “Is it an Amish fly?”   I’m sure my face turned five shades of red at that point. Thankfully the Amish gentlemen behind the checkout counter laughed extremely hard about this and said, yes.  J  I laughed all the way home!

The thing that got to me about this story, beyond it just being plain funny, was the first thoughts that ran through my head when Addy made her comment.   I was extremely embarrassed, and worried about what the store clerk would think about me.  About me?!  Why?  Addy is obviously young and we all know that young kids just say what they think.  They are honest, probably in ways everyone should be.  Beyond that, who cares what the guy thought?  Was I worried that he thought I was a bad mom, or that we look down on the Amish(which we don’t), just from an innocent comment?  I don’t know. What I do know, is that God has bringing this to my attention a lot over the last few months.  My worry and preoccupation about what people think of me. 

God has been teaching me A LOT lately, and most of it goes back to a single fact that needs to sink into my heart, God’s love for me.  It’s so simple, yet so profound.  As a Christian you would think that I could grasp that easily.  I mean come on, Christ died for my sins to save me.  You’d think it would pretty obvious that He loves me.  But, there are many actions in my life that suggest I am not to the point I truly believe in God’s love all the time.  If I did truly believe that God loved me and accepted me, then I would not care so much about what other people think of me.  I would be steadfast in a love that carried me and looking to please Him. 

So, God is using little things to remind me that He is more important than what people think.  I’m learning to go back to God’s word and let it soak into my thoughts. Like Psalm 36:5 and 7, “Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.  How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!  People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” Every day I need to choose to live in God’s love.  To realize, yes, He does love me no matter what others think and I need to focus on Him, not myself.  It’s not easy, but so many other things in my life are connected to the concept of God’s love, it’s essential.  When I’m secure in the love that God has for me, I don’t worry about what people think and I’m free to live for God not men!  Who would have thought an Amish fly and a three year old could teach you that?

They grow up way too fast...

Lately I feel like my kids are growing up so fast!  When you are pregnant with your first people tell you all the time to enjoy every moment, because they grow up way too fast.  Well, all of those people are right!

Addison is so smart, she always has something to say, about everything!  Here are some of her quotes...

At a restaurant:  Waitress, "How are you doing here?  Do you need anything?"  Addison, "I need to go potty."

"Mommy you're a genius."  ( I liked that one)

Talking about Brenden getting into things. "That's what babies do."

"I think we need to go home and put Snappy in the trash.  Can I put him in the trash?"  About our cat and I promptly said no! 

"Oh look its a daffodil bush."  (it was a yellow bush)

When talking about something that happened this morning.  "Seven years ago..."

"When I was grown up I used to go garage salein' too!" 

"When I was a bear, I used to eat honey."

Asked, "Addison how old are you?"  Addison: "32."

She cracks me up with the things that she says!  Anyone who knows Addy knows how sassy she can be, but she also is sweet and caring. She loves people and talking, obviously!  :)



I feel like Brenden was born just a few months ago and he is already 15 months old and is everywhere at once!

The bathroom doors are always closed in our house because he will take a dive in the toilet. He is starting to take the remote control and acting like its a phone.  He talks to it and says "da da da da."  His new favorite place to play is at the table.  He loves to sit in Addy's booster seat and play (this is what he is doing in the picture). When did he become such a big boy?  Brenden is a lovey boy, he likes to cuddle when he's not on the move.  His expressions have been cracking me up.  He loves to scowl now as well as break into the biggest smiles!


So there they are... growing up way to fast and making me feel like time is just slipping past.  I'm trying to enjoy every moment and embrace these teachable years.  They are fun and crazy all at the same time.  And whoever told me that they grow up too fast when I was pregnant with Addy, I may not have understood then, but I understand now!

I'm baaack!

It's been such a long time since I've blogged and I've decided I need to keep up!!  So what has happened since I've last blogged... well... everything!  Not only is our little girl 3 almost 4 years old, she has a little brother!  Brenden Ryan is our wonderful little man who is 15 months old and a bundle of energy.  They keep me busy and every day is a new challenge.  Jonathan is staying busy working for a good company and we are thankful that he is doing well there!  Time seems to fly by and I feel like God is teaching me more and more to seize every moment. I'm learning everyday what it means to truly follow Christ and trust him!  Thank the Lord for our wonderful little family and I hope that you come back to read, cause I will actually post things... :)

Spring pics of the kids!

Getting so big!

Addy is getting so big! She is now 19 weeks or 4 and half months! She has such kissable cheeks! We had her four month doctors apt a couple of weeks ago, and she is weighing in at 13.5 lbs and 25.5 inches long. She is such a string bean! Addy has been rolling over both ways and is trying so hard to get on her hands and knees. She is not quite there yet, but I'm sure one day she will surprise me. She has such a big smile and she just loves her Daddy (as you can see). We have been so busy lately. Jonathan has been trying to get things done on the house. He has been painting the hallway and putting up new doors for our bedrooms and closets. Work has been okay for him, just praying that things stay decent. I have been enjoying staying home more and more. Addy makes it so worth it!

Addy is growing!

So she's here... that is why I haven't been blogging!

Addison Emily Beatty arrived August 6, 2008 at 12:57 a.m. She was 7lbs 1 oz and 19 3/4 inches long. Being a mom has been taking up all of my time, so blogging has not been a priority. Sorry!!

Addy's Birth Story

I was admitted to the hospital Monday, August 4 at 7 p.m. to start the induction process. I went to the doctor earlier that day, my blood pressure was high and I was holding a lot of water. So, to avoid any problems with preclamsia we decided induction would be best. I was started on something called a cervidel and it started contractions. The next day I was started on petocin, which starts labor. Most of the day I was only dilated 1 - 2 cm. Labor started out fairly easy and I was able to walk. The doctor broke my water for me around 5 p.m. on Tuesday and I immediately went into hard labor. Very soon after that I was given an epidural. I dilated then to 8 and the doctor tried to dilate me to ten herself. Soon after I started pushing and pushed for two and a half hours. Addy was not moving enough and I was not fully dilated still. I had a temperature and I was getting sick. Addy's heart rate went up, so the doctor decided that I needed a c-section. I was taken to the operating room and delivered Addy at 12:57 a.m. on Wednesday.

Jonathan was the first to hold her. It was so sweet. She is beautiful and we absolutely love her. I had a strep B infection which can be transmitted to the baby through regular delivery. I was tested for this during my pregnancy but it was negative. I must have gotten it at some point in between that time and delivery. If the baby was to get strep B it could lead to meningitis, blindness and even death. We are very thankful that the Lord saw us through this situation, even though we were not aware of it at the time. Welcome Addison Emily!

Long overdue post...

Well I said I would update on how I've been doing, but apparently I'm not good at keeping things updated! Well I was on bed rest for the weekend, and thankfully my bp has been pretty normal. It varies at the doctor, but has been great at home. (I take it on a regular basis here) I cut my hours down at work to about half of what I was doing, and have been taking it much easier since that weekend. No more washing windows for me :(. But when I behave myself I feel great!

I have had two baby showers since my last post, and God has blessed us through our friends and family. We are very well set for having our little girl, and that is comforting. I quit working for good last Friday. It is very hard to leave the church, but I know that being a stay at home mom is what I need to do. I plan on staying available if they need me at the church office, so I won't be totally disconnected. But the most important thing is that I am here 100% for my child.

The baby's room is shaping up. Jonathan is in the middle of putting carpet it in it and we have most everything we need to bring our little girl home. Ive been progressively feeling worse, and am not able to sleep as well, but I hear that comes with the territory at this stage in the game. We are so looking forward to meeting our Addison. We are not sure on a middle name yet... but we'll get there. Only three weeks to go! Hopefully you'll meet her soon on our page!

Pregnancy update

I had a Drs. apt. yesterday and lately Ive been feeling great. So I was a little suprised to find that my blood pressure was high and I had protein in my urine. My doctor was very concerned, especially about my BP. So for the weekend, I am on bed rest and I have a follow-up apt. on Monday as well as an ultrasound. The symptoms I have are typical symptoms for preeclampsia. Which in extremes can cause problems for both me and the baby. Hopefully, these symptoms clear up by Monday, and I am not on bed rest the rest of my pregnancy. I'm 31 weeks right now, so I have a few weeks to go until I'm considered in the clear if they need to take the baby early. Hopefully that will not need to happen. Despite everything, I am feeling good and have not had a lot swelling today either. I will update once I find out how things on Monday. God is in control and I know that he will protect our little girl. Ive been praying for wisdom on how I need to take it easy and being careful what I do. I want our little one to be as safe as possible.

Its summer and the belly leads the way!

I love this time of year, its beautiful, warm and I feel like I have a ton of energy! Even being preggo I feel pretty good. Although I try to stay out of the heat so I do not swell too much. My hands and feet swell a little when I am on my feet and in the heat. Our little girl moves around all the time and Jonathan can see her actually move outside my stomach now. Its so cute to see her move. She has been kicking my ribs like crazy. We have decided to name our little girl Addison. We are not sure on a middle name just yet, but we think Addison will fit her well.

Since I last posted we have been extremely busy. Between work, working on the house and cars, Jonathan and I barely have time for anything else. Jonathan finally was able to get our Jeep fixed last weekend! We are so happy about that. He basically had to rebuild the entire engine, so it was a lot of work. He is so good with that stuff, and he did a great job on it! We're going to start getting the baby's room in tip top shape and are anticipating our little girls arrival.

Belly Pic

I finally have a picture of what I look like pregnant! This picture was taken at Easter when I was 19 weeks. I'm currently 21 weeks and I think I look basically the same. Our little girl keeps moving, and I'm feeling it more frequently. I feel like my belly is huge, but I'm getting used to it. We are half way there!!! Jonathan and I can't believe that time is passing so quickly. I will post another belly pic when I start to get even bigger!! Enjoy!

Spring

Is that movement?

Is that movement? Yep, I think it is! I am finally feeling our little girl move more and more. I started feeling a little brush here and there last week. Which, I was probably feeling before that, I just didn't know. hehe! But by the end of this week, she has been giving me some full blown kicks. She lets me know her opinion about anything touching my stomach. The first time I felt a good one was Sunday. I had my laptop on my lap with the side touching my stomach. She gave a good couple of kicks. Last night she was moving like crazy. I had Jonathan press on my stomach a little to see if she would respond and she did, to the exact spot he was pressing on. It was so fun that he was able to feel it as well.

I have been slacking a little on getting into maternity clothing, well at least my pants. lol! I'm stretching mine as far as they can go. Today at work I was wearing some that have seen their last leg for now. They are not comfortable especially when I sit. Well our little miss didn't seem to like that at all. She kicked and kicked until I made some adjustments. Now she is satisfied.

Well, things keep on going, and hopefully Spring will be here soon. I'm looking forward to warmer weather and getting out to walk more. That is all for now! Hope your days is great!

Pictures of Our Girl!

Ultrasound!

Today we had our first ultrasound! I went to the doctor last week, Thursday, I was able to once again hear our little ones heartbeat and feel rest assured that things were going well. We scheduled the ultrasound, thankfully for this morning at 8 a.m. They had a cancellation at the clinic, which was a blessing for us. I am 20 weeks this week. We were able to get some good shots of our little bean and it looks like we're having.... a girl!!! Now for the pink writing!!!! We were able to see her move and all of her little parts. You are looking a profile picture of her head and body, with her legs and feet scrunched up. She kept putting her hands by her face and I swear I saw her sucking her little thumb. We saw her mouth moving with the hands there. It was precious. She looks healthy, but we are still waiting for my doctor to view the pictures and let us know for sure. We were able to see her heart pump and the four chambers of her heart. We saw her brain, kidneys, little toes and fingers. We were also able to see her spine from her head down to her tail bone. Jonathan and I are both very excited, and it was an amazing experience to share together. We will probably be disagreeing on names for the next few months, hehe! But I'm sure we'll compromise and find something we both like. Thanks for sharing in our little girl. We already love her dearly!

Is Spring Coming?

The weather this week seems to be getting a little warmer... much better than the last few. Hopefully Spring is coming. I hear the birds chirping a lot, and I want to get out and do some walking. I'm 18 weeks today and still have not felt our little one move... at least that I know of. You never know I could be feeling it and just not know... lol! I have my next doctors apt next Thursday, which I am very excited about. I can't wait to hear the baby's heartbeat again and just make sure everything is going well! At this appointment we will be scheduling our ultrasound, which we hope to find out the sex of the baby. I will be posting the results of that!

Jonathan has been working so hard on our house right now! We have our kitchen cabinet doors finished. They are beautiful. Now we just need to get the top cabinets hung, so that we can finish our kitchen! Hopefully that will happen soon. We have been looking forward to this for a long time. We will be able to finally unpack a lot of things once the kitchen is up and running.

Our kitties are running around like crazy in our new house. They are actually getting a little thinner due to all of their exercise. I'm very glad of that. They just seem much happier too. They are so cute with Jonathan. I tell him that they are practice for the baby coming. Whenever he gets home both of the cats want attention. They follow him around the house, and when he sits they are both on his lap. If he ignores them, then they get cranky. haha! I guess its good practice.

Monday, we were able to spend time with our friends Tim and Carol Brownlee who live in PA. We had such a good time with them. We really miss hanging out with them. We went to Chilli's and talked at the house for a bit. Of course we had to show them the house and everything that we've been doing.

Well for anyone who reads my posts, my sister Carrie and her husband Bruce took their youngest Toby to Cincinnati, OH this week for some tests. For anyone who does not know, Toby has Spina Bifida. He has a trach which is attached to a vent, feeding tub and shunt on his brain. He is such a happy little guy, he just turned one in December. We are so thankful that God has brought him this far. This week they are testing to see if he will be able to eat through his mouth. It is going to be a hard week for them and Toby is shy of strangers right now. If you think about it, pray for this family. My mom is staying with the other two boys, Conor and Garrett at their house. She seems to be having a good time with them. Well that's our news! We'll keep you updated!

Preggy Pants!!!

So I finally had to go out and buy some pregnancy pants. It was def a challenge finding something that fit me well. I am excited to wear something more comfortable though. Yay for a baby bump! And hopefully I will be able to get the camera working again soon for a pic!!