Learning to let go...

It's that time of year, schools in!  This is Addy's second year of preschool.  Addy has a new teacher and she is attending preschool three mornings a week for 2 1/2 hours.  She loves it!  I'm glad I sent her last year because she is thriving this year.  Last year we had some rough patches, this year, she WANTS to go.  The very first day she walked into school smiling, excited and didn't even look back.   It didn't hit me until I was in Meijer with Brenden.  We stopped to look at the fish, Addy's favorite thing, then I started to cry.  She is ready, I believe this is good for her, this is what God wants and I have to let her go.   I had a friend tell me that your raise your children to let them go, not to keep them.  So it begins...  

At the end of July we decided it was time for Brenden at 18 months to get rid of his pacifier.  He started chewing the ends of them off, nice huh?!  So we began the process, which was not easy.  He didn't sleep really well for about three weeks and one of those weeks we were on vacation.  It was actually harder on me I think than him.  Not because of the inconvenience but because it meant that he was not a baby anymore.  My little man is growing up.  It's time to start letting go. 

Now I realize that these are small things,but it reminds me that each stage my kids are in I will have to continually let them go.  I'm not raising them to keep them, I'm raising them to let them go and give them to God.  I've been praying a lot about this the past several months that God will help me utilize this time I have with them.  I want to use this time to pour into them, teach them and develop a healthy relationship with them.  My mom always tells me, the best thing I can do with my kids is develop a relationship with them.  She's right of course!   I need to do it now and God will have to help me with all of it, especially the letting go part! 

First day of preschool, not enjoying the pictures!

Playing mini-golf  on vacation, my big boy, no paci!

The real me...

I recently watched the movie Alice and Wonderland.  The non-cartoon one that came out in 2010.  I never thought I'd like that movie or the storyline.  It seemed kinda crazy and weird.  But for some reason when I saw that it was playing on the Disney Channel I recorded it to watch.  Something that struck me about the movie is when Alice talked to the worm, the wise one, Absolem.  The characters were trying to figure out if Alice, this grown up Alice, was indeed THE Alice, the Alice that came when she was a child.  Absolem asks her if she is Alice and she doesn't think she is THE Alice.  He chides her for not knowing who she is.  When she speaks to him again at the end of the movie, she is starting to figure out that she is the THE Alice.  She tells Absolem the things she knows about herself.  She tells him her name, who her parents are etc.  Through those basic things, she finds she is THE Alice and has the courage to do what all the characters in Wonderland want her to do, slay the Jabberwocky and free the creatures from the rule of the Red Queen. 

There are many times in life I have felt like the Alice in the beginning of the movie.  I'm not sure who I am or if I am who I want to be.  There are many times and days that I live in fear I won't live up to my potential and days I just give up thinking I never will.  I want to be what other women are, thrifty, organized, amazing moms, stylish, skinny and confident.  I look at what other women have and compare myself.  I have convinced myself that I'm not enough.  It's not just external things, but internal as well.  As a Christian woman I see other women's spiritual gifts and think I don't measure up.  I worry I am not doing enough for God or allowing Him to use me the way I was made to be used. There is a lot of worry, a lot of comparing and a lot of sorrow over something that is really not worth it all.

Wow!  That was pretty depressing! I'm laughing at myself right now, in case your worrying I'm crying or something! :)

So here's what God has been teaching me about all this!  He loves ME!  The real me!  Not the me I wish I was, or the me that had characteristics like her.  He wants to use ME!  Because He made me the way I am for a reason!  My struggles, my strengths, my bad habits and good ones!  I have been realizing lately that I need to go back to the basics, like Alice!  I need to remind myself sometimes of who I really am! I am a child of God.  I am loved by God, saved through Jesus and I can walk in freedom from my sin everyday!  When I remind myself who I am, I also see who God is.  Taking the emphasis off ME and putting it on HIM.  When I see who I am in HIM everything else really doesn't matter.  I can be content with me because I am loved by a great God.  So like Alice, I need to go back and recite the basics.  When I do that, I am able to see the real me.  Although, I'm not sure I will ever slay a Jabberwocky and help overthrow a Red Queen, but you never know! 

Amish flies...

Today Addy, Bren and I went out to our local Amish store, Rentown.  We visit every few weeks to buy bulk cheese, lunch meat, spices, lye soap and whatever else.   It’s a small little store run by an Amish family (which we have a lot of in our area) and they are extremely nice.    We are walking around picking up the things we need when a large black fly goes by our heads.  Addy immediately goes into a state of panic and wants to know what the bug is.  I tell her, “don’t worry, it’s just a fly.”  Then she asks loudly and clearly for everyone to hear (probably in the whole store), “Is it an Amish fly?”   I’m sure my face turned five shades of red at that point. Thankfully the Amish gentlemen behind the checkout counter laughed extremely hard about this and said, yes.  J  I laughed all the way home!

The thing that got to me about this story, beyond it just being plain funny, was the first thoughts that ran through my head when Addy made her comment.   I was extremely embarrassed, and worried about what the store clerk would think about me.  About me?!  Why?  Addy is obviously young and we all know that young kids just say what they think.  They are honest, probably in ways everyone should be.  Beyond that, who cares what the guy thought?  Was I worried that he thought I was a bad mom, or that we look down on the Amish(which we don’t), just from an innocent comment?  I don’t know. What I do know, is that God has bringing this to my attention a lot over the last few months.  My worry and preoccupation about what people think of me. 

God has been teaching me A LOT lately, and most of it goes back to a single fact that needs to sink into my heart, God’s love for me.  It’s so simple, yet so profound.  As a Christian you would think that I could grasp that easily.  I mean come on, Christ died for my sins to save me.  You’d think it would pretty obvious that He loves me.  But, there are many actions in my life that suggest I am not to the point I truly believe in God’s love all the time.  If I did truly believe that God loved me and accepted me, then I would not care so much about what other people think of me.  I would be steadfast in a love that carried me and looking to please Him. 

So, God is using little things to remind me that He is more important than what people think.  I’m learning to go back to God’s word and let it soak into my thoughts. Like Psalm 36:5 and 7, “Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.  How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!  People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.” Every day I need to choose to live in God’s love.  To realize, yes, He does love me no matter what others think and I need to focus on Him, not myself.  It’s not easy, but so many other things in my life are connected to the concept of God’s love, it’s essential.  When I’m secure in the love that God has for me, I don’t worry about what people think and I’m free to live for God not men!  Who would have thought an Amish fly and a three year old could teach you that?

They grow up way too fast...

Lately I feel like my kids are growing up so fast!  When you are pregnant with your first people tell you all the time to enjoy every moment, because they grow up way too fast.  Well, all of those people are right!

Addison is so smart, she always has something to say, about everything!  Here are some of her quotes...

At a restaurant:  Waitress, "How are you doing here?  Do you need anything?"  Addison, "I need to go potty."

"Mommy you're a genius."  ( I liked that one)

Talking about Brenden getting into things. "That's what babies do."

"I think we need to go home and put Snappy in the trash.  Can I put him in the trash?"  About our cat and I promptly said no! 

"Oh look its a daffodil bush."  (it was a yellow bush)

When talking about something that happened this morning.  "Seven years ago..."

"When I was grown up I used to go garage salein' too!" 

"When I was a bear, I used to eat honey."

Asked, "Addison how old are you?"  Addison: "32."

She cracks me up with the things that she says!  Anyone who knows Addy knows how sassy she can be, but she also is sweet and caring. She loves people and talking, obviously!  :)



I feel like Brenden was born just a few months ago and he is already 15 months old and is everywhere at once!

The bathroom doors are always closed in our house because he will take a dive in the toilet. He is starting to take the remote control and acting like its a phone.  He talks to it and says "da da da da."  His new favorite place to play is at the table.  He loves to sit in Addy's booster seat and play (this is what he is doing in the picture). When did he become such a big boy?  Brenden is a lovey boy, he likes to cuddle when he's not on the move.  His expressions have been cracking me up.  He loves to scowl now as well as break into the biggest smiles!


So there they are... growing up way to fast and making me feel like time is just slipping past.  I'm trying to enjoy every moment and embrace these teachable years.  They are fun and crazy all at the same time.  And whoever told me that they grow up too fast when I was pregnant with Addy, I may not have understood then, but I understand now!

I'm baaack!

It's been such a long time since I've blogged and I've decided I need to keep up!!  So what has happened since I've last blogged... well... everything!  Not only is our little girl 3 almost 4 years old, she has a little brother!  Brenden Ryan is our wonderful little man who is 15 months old and a bundle of energy.  They keep me busy and every day is a new challenge.  Jonathan is staying busy working for a good company and we are thankful that he is doing well there!  Time seems to fly by and I feel like God is teaching me more and more to seize every moment. I'm learning everyday what it means to truly follow Christ and trust him!  Thank the Lord for our wonderful little family and I hope that you come back to read, cause I will actually post things... :)